I have a long hair fetish. Yes, I admit it.
One of my best friends here (if not my best friend) has long bluish hair. She was standing outside of her window in a bathing suit top and flowy skirt and she looked like a mermaid...that's when I realized I had a thing for her which could be potentially dangerous since we're gonna be rooming together next semester...
A guy back home had a beautiful curly ponytail. Then he cut it off. I thought I wouldn't be in love with him anymore if he did so, but that's a lie. That's good, at least I know I'm not shallow. That's also bad, I won't ever be able to be with him.
My boyfriend (whose hair is growing out on my command) threatened to cut off the ponytail of a lad who seems to be the source of a few of my woes. That was until he did it himself. Again, I figured I wouldn't like him if he did that, but that too is a lie.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
On a completely different note, I apologize for the amount of dumb boy problems and bitchitude that seem to have found their way into this blog. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, but I don't have anything else to write about...
...except for the safety pin in my nose which my nose doesn't seem to like (sea salt soaks awaaay!) and the fact that I completly hand stiched a sailor moon costume for a party on saturday night. That means, I think, that it is time to make more skirts for my lolita collection. Oh yess...
Because practice makes perfect. And I don't have enough practice on skirt making. I gotta go to ross and get some sheets to make into skirts I think. Any suggestions on what sort of stiches to use?
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
My Corset Proves my Virtue
Emilie Autumn got it totally wrong.
On an unrelated note, two introverts don't make good conversation. And yet...his eyes were so blue and reminded me of fish. I couldn't read him at all and that made me nervous and fidgety.
I apologize.
Off to sewing.
On an unrelated note, two introverts don't make good conversation. And yet...his eyes were so blue and reminded me of fish. I couldn't read him at all and that made me nervous and fidgety.
I apologize.
Off to sewing.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Notes to Self
1. Spring here is not actually spring:
For a total of two days, it was above 60 degrees. I walked outside, it was warm, it was sunny, I was (am) in love...the day couldn't get any better. I was happy, a sort of elated feeling that I hand't felt since I'd been home. I didn't even realize that I had been depressed until the sun came out again.
Then it got cold .
Spring here is a lie.
2. When you find a guy attractive...
...don't get attached in any way unless it's guaranteed that he'll be attached back (i. o. w: there are no other possibilities or dare I say competition). That way, when you wake up in the middle of the night and hear him crying to your friend about how much he likes her, you won't be torn between your bitch side and your psychologist side. Also, YOU will be considered the immature one when you flip the fuck out after they hook up with your buddies. Especially if you have a boyfriend...apparently you're not allowed to care about two people at once.
Also, don't introduce them to your cute friends. Or any of your friends with ovaries. Or dicks for that matter. Not until you've sealed the deal so to speak.
a. On a subset of this whole "boys" idea: you CANNOT be the girl who turns heads. It isn't your fate. As a be-pierced and be-dyed individual, it is true that heads do turn when I enter the room, but it really isn't for the reason I want. I want people to be utterly dumbstruck from my sheer beauty and grace. I want them to line up to ask me for a dance. What I'd really love would to be that person who walks down the staircase poised yet shy, strong yet demure, hair dyed perfectly, corset perfectly fitted, gloves straight....
...and as I enter the room, there is a hush. The tap tap tap of my boots echoes as I cross the dancefloor and I feel the electricity as people wonder who they will have to come to blows with in order to even get close to me.
But no. Believe me, I've walked into many a place like that and been virtually ignored.
My fate is to be the listener. The quiet shoulder to cry on, the soft lap to fling yourself into. Not the beauty who causes problems, the matron who fixes them.
3. One must learn to adapt anywhere.
Yes couples are annoying. I'm probably part of a terribly annoying one myself. But welling up with anger, embarassment, jealousy and sadness every time you see a particularly annoying one won't solve anything. Espcially if, say, you were at a party. In which case you'd probably be drunk anyway, so what does it matter?
4. At least I know how to Iron
I don't know what I can offer in relationships (except for excessive spazing and more crying that you signed up for. Oh, and lets not forget that good ol' freaking out for no reason). I can cook I guess, but I can't clean or sew or deal with kids or do any of that domestic stuff. Part of being a proper lady I think (aside from learning to dance, manners, writing, drawing, learning an instrument, knowing at least one other language, being well read, being able to hold a conversation....et cet) has a lot to do with being useful around the house. Not so you could be a pushover and do all the work while the person you live with sits around, but so you can be a dynamic duo (or trio or whatever, depending on who all you live with). I really can't work with kids...Irish wolfhounds, sure, but not kids. I hate cleaning, and I can't sew. I can repair, but I can't sew.
But at least I can iron.
5. Learn to like to need.
I need a lot as it is. Or rather, I want a lot. I hate needing, espcially when it involves other people and yet I need him. Shaun. My boyfriend. I absolutely need him and it shakes me to my very core. We've been dating for 7 months and...I feel as though we belong together. I want to stay with him for a very long time and yet I see our paths diverging. He wants to save the world, he has a big picture to make the world more green and better for the working individual and I...
I am the listner, not the savior.
For a total of two days, it was above 60 degrees. I walked outside, it was warm, it was sunny, I was (am) in love...the day couldn't get any better. I was happy, a sort of elated feeling that I hand't felt since I'd been home. I didn't even realize that I had been depressed until the sun came out again.
Then it got cold .
Spring here is a lie.
2. When you find a guy attractive...
...don't get attached in any way unless it's guaranteed that he'll be attached back (i. o. w: there are no other possibilities or dare I say competition). That way, when you wake up in the middle of the night and hear him crying to your friend about how much he likes her, you won't be torn between your bitch side and your psychologist side. Also, YOU will be considered the immature one when you flip the fuck out after they hook up with your buddies. Especially if you have a boyfriend...apparently you're not allowed to care about two people at once.
Also, don't introduce them to your cute friends. Or any of your friends with ovaries. Or dicks for that matter. Not until you've sealed the deal so to speak.
a. On a subset of this whole "boys" idea: you CANNOT be the girl who turns heads. It isn't your fate. As a be-pierced and be-dyed individual, it is true that heads do turn when I enter the room, but it really isn't for the reason I want. I want people to be utterly dumbstruck from my sheer beauty and grace. I want them to line up to ask me for a dance. What I'd really love would to be that person who walks down the staircase poised yet shy, strong yet demure, hair dyed perfectly, corset perfectly fitted, gloves straight....
...and as I enter the room, there is a hush. The tap tap tap of my boots echoes as I cross the dancefloor and I feel the electricity as people wonder who they will have to come to blows with in order to even get close to me.
But no. Believe me, I've walked into many a place like that and been virtually ignored.
My fate is to be the listener. The quiet shoulder to cry on, the soft lap to fling yourself into. Not the beauty who causes problems, the matron who fixes them.
3. One must learn to adapt anywhere.
Yes couples are annoying. I'm probably part of a terribly annoying one myself. But welling up with anger, embarassment, jealousy and sadness every time you see a particularly annoying one won't solve anything. Espcially if, say, you were at a party. In which case you'd probably be drunk anyway, so what does it matter?
4. At least I know how to Iron
I don't know what I can offer in relationships (except for excessive spazing and more crying that you signed up for. Oh, and lets not forget that good ol' freaking out for no reason). I can cook I guess, but I can't clean or sew or deal with kids or do any of that domestic stuff. Part of being a proper lady I think (aside from learning to dance, manners, writing, drawing, learning an instrument, knowing at least one other language, being well read, being able to hold a conversation....et cet) has a lot to do with being useful around the house. Not so you could be a pushover and do all the work while the person you live with sits around, but so you can be a dynamic duo (or trio or whatever, depending on who all you live with). I really can't work with kids...Irish wolfhounds, sure, but not kids. I hate cleaning, and I can't sew. I can repair, but I can't sew.
But at least I can iron.
5. Learn to like to need.
I need a lot as it is. Or rather, I want a lot. I hate needing, espcially when it involves other people and yet I need him. Shaun. My boyfriend. I absolutely need him and it shakes me to my very core. We've been dating for 7 months and...I feel as though we belong together. I want to stay with him for a very long time and yet I see our paths diverging. He wants to save the world, he has a big picture to make the world more green and better for the working individual and I...
I am the listner, not the savior.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Jealousy
Misery.
Envy.
I was with a guy last night, for a long time. Me and a friend. He's cute, really cute. Gorgeous I dare say. And I've been with him once before. For some reason, I cannot tell you what...the jealousy my friends felt, the smell of his tobacco...I wanted him again. And again and again.
But no amount of cleavage can compare to adorable.
My friend is adorable. Small, cute hair, cute face...they have a lot in common. Spoke to eachother in Japanese (at which, I can hardly even call myself a noob considering I know a few words and maybe two hiragana) when they could...honestly.
I had a strategy, oh yes I did. I plan. I scheme. I'm a cutthroat bitch when it comes to boys and do you know why? Because that's the only way for someone like me, too large, entirely too large, to snag a lad. Aye indeed, last time I didn't even have to try, but now....how do you compete with someone so cute? Hell, I'd choose her over me.
Though I'd choose most anyone over me.
I was never alone with him. And I'm too shy to make a move in front of someone. Even if I did, I know how a threesome would work out. He'd make out with me for a bit then move on to her and I'd sit awkwardly and watch hoping, praying for her to vanish.
As I did most of the night.
Finally, at around 7 when I realized that neither she nor he were going to leave and that I was too cold and too sleepy to fake like I was having fun, I left.
The things I put people through. I'm a horrible human being. Both asked if I was alright, and of course I answered yes and continued to sulk as I do. Finally I rid them of myself...why do I ooze such negative energy...why even ask, I know the answer. I wanted him to pull me aside and ask me what was wrong, then perhaps I'd burst into tears and he'd comfort me and kiss them away and she would be the awkward one for once, not I.
But even her awkwardness is cute. She's made of cute.
I couldn't sleep when I came back to my dorm. I nearly threw up twice. And my nose crusted over. I'm trying not to be sick anymore...perhaps it was my constant coughing last night that was a major turnoff.
And why do I care? I am in love with another, we plan our lives together constantly. Shouldn't I be content in the fact that at least I have one boy who will choose me over cute girls?
Then why do I feel like crying...
Envy.
I was with a guy last night, for a long time. Me and a friend. He's cute, really cute. Gorgeous I dare say. And I've been with him once before. For some reason, I cannot tell you what...the jealousy my friends felt, the smell of his tobacco...I wanted him again. And again and again.
But no amount of cleavage can compare to adorable.
My friend is adorable. Small, cute hair, cute face...they have a lot in common. Spoke to eachother in Japanese (at which, I can hardly even call myself a noob considering I know a few words and maybe two hiragana) when they could...honestly.
I had a strategy, oh yes I did. I plan. I scheme. I'm a cutthroat bitch when it comes to boys and do you know why? Because that's the only way for someone like me, too large, entirely too large, to snag a lad. Aye indeed, last time I didn't even have to try, but now....how do you compete with someone so cute? Hell, I'd choose her over me.
Though I'd choose most anyone over me.
I was never alone with him. And I'm too shy to make a move in front of someone. Even if I did, I know how a threesome would work out. He'd make out with me for a bit then move on to her and I'd sit awkwardly and watch hoping, praying for her to vanish.
As I did most of the night.
Finally, at around 7 when I realized that neither she nor he were going to leave and that I was too cold and too sleepy to fake like I was having fun, I left.
The things I put people through. I'm a horrible human being. Both asked if I was alright, and of course I answered yes and continued to sulk as I do. Finally I rid them of myself...why do I ooze such negative energy...why even ask, I know the answer. I wanted him to pull me aside and ask me what was wrong, then perhaps I'd burst into tears and he'd comfort me and kiss them away and she would be the awkward one for once, not I.
But even her awkwardness is cute. She's made of cute.
I couldn't sleep when I came back to my dorm. I nearly threw up twice. And my nose crusted over. I'm trying not to be sick anymore...perhaps it was my constant coughing last night that was a major turnoff.
And why do I care? I am in love with another, we plan our lives together constantly. Shouldn't I be content in the fact that at least I have one boy who will choose me over cute girls?
Then why do I feel like crying...
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