As you all know, I need a job. I've applied and been turned down ever since August of my Sophomore year in high school. I'm soon to be a Sophomore in college. At first, I figured it was because I didn't have any experience, and I wondered who would hire me without any experience? And how I would get said experience if I didn't have a job to begin with?
Luckily, Dickinson saved the day and I worked there all year doing various jobs. I now have experience in telemarketing (which I despise with every fiber of my being), cafe barista-ing, and something similar to door-to-door salesmanship. In short, I now have experience. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to get a job. Right?
Well, not necessarily. As you all know, I have lip rings, a nose ring and multicolored hair. Though I'm a nice person underneath who is hardworking and eager to work, on the outside...I'm a ruffian, gothy, dark, and dare I say...scary. Though I feel that discrimination of all sorts is wrong and making someone change because you're more comfortable that way is completely idiotic, I understand that if I want to get a job, I'll have to...re-modify my appearance.
I'm thinking about putting in studs in my nose and lip. I feel they'll be less noticeable that way. I absolutely refuse to re-dye my hair. This involves buying (or finding) studs then going about and job-hunting. Unless places like say...Hot Topic or Dark Garden are hiring.
I could also go into modeling (if not this summer then next). I'm not going to ask if you think I have what it takes because...I probably do. I'm pretty, and I'm tall. Or at least, I'm distinctive (enough to get people's attention). But I have no idea how to get started, and I don't want to get screwed out of a possibly good experience. Preferably, I'd like to do goth modeling (because I really don't want to take my piercings out or re-dye my hair) but I don't know if there are any places around that would pay and take pictures of me and be legit all at the same time. With a rather sizable bondage scene being right across the Bay, goth can't be too far behind...and SOMEONE needs to model those products right? Not the bondage ones (not just yet)...the gothy ones.
Discuss.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Modeling Confessions
First of all, Gaskells was wonderful, but I Gaskell'd too hard. I couldn't walk for about 3 days afterwords...
I also looked pretty awesome in my outfit, I must say. There was a photographer there who took some pictures with me and a friend and it was lovely! I want to model now, gothic modeling in particular but I don't know where to begin...the same friend I took the pictures with models, and she's going to take me on a shoot with her, but it's pretty amateur (though she takes good pictures...). Any suggestions?
Also, I want to start a lolita video blog with tips and tricks and such for aspiring lolitas (espcially, I dare say, African American ones). Again, suggestions?
And...I've sharpened my nails.
Now, toast.
I also looked pretty awesome in my outfit, I must say. There was a photographer there who took some pictures with me and a friend and it was lovely! I want to model now, gothic modeling in particular but I don't know where to begin...the same friend I took the pictures with models, and she's going to take me on a shoot with her, but it's pretty amateur (though she takes good pictures...). Any suggestions?
Also, I want to start a lolita video blog with tips and tricks and such for aspiring lolitas (espcially, I dare say, African American ones). Again, suggestions?
And...I've sharpened my nails.
Now, toast.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Lolita-esque Confessions
Ladies and Gentlemen:
Today is a momentous occasion in my life as a lolita and a Victorian maiden in general.
1. I made (yes, made) a corset. A fitting black corset that is mine. My mom also made me one petticoat and one skirt. The skirt is red, and might have some accents on it soon.
2. Today *quivers with excitement* I received my clothes from Bodyline. Now in order for you to be as excited as I am, you might well have to be a lolita. Now, by no means is this the Gucci of Lolita Fashion, but this is brand name. *spaz*
It's like...when you open presents on christmas...I just had my own little christmas this morning. In my possession I have: one blouse, one skirt, one jsk, one headpeice and one caplet. If you see a pretty little victorian doll at Gaskells this Saturday, that'll probably be me.
Today is a momentous occasion in my life as a lolita and a Victorian maiden in general.
1. I made (yes, made) a corset. A fitting black corset that is mine. My mom also made me one petticoat and one skirt. The skirt is red, and might have some accents on it soon.
2. Today *quivers with excitement* I received my clothes from Bodyline. Now in order for you to be as excited as I am, you might well have to be a lolita. Now, by no means is this the Gucci of Lolita Fashion, but this is brand name. *spaz*
It's like...when you open presents on christmas...I just had my own little christmas this morning. In my possession I have: one blouse, one skirt, one jsk, one headpeice and one caplet. If you see a pretty little victorian doll at Gaskells this Saturday, that'll probably be me.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Heaven, Blogs, Sprucing and Fasting
Heaven:
Last Friday, I found a slice of Lolita heaven on earth. Yes, loyal readers, if you're ever in Berkeley CA, you must go to Lacies. It's right by the Ashbey BART station. They have all the equipment needed to be a proper Lolita, and if they don't, they know how to make it and will gladly help you out. For example, I got an instructional video and a pattern on how to make a period corset. This corset, and pictures, will be made and posted soon. True, I got the fabric and lacing and other such things from other places, but of all the fabric/sewing stores I've gone to they are the only ones that sell steel bones and busks. Also, the have a backroom full of mannequins dressed entirely in Victorian garb, petticoats and hoop skirts hanging from the ceiling, a basket full of parasols, and a table full of tea hats. My heart swelled with joy to be in such a place.
To make matters more spectacular, not a day later did I find the only EGL meetup in all of the bay area. Which, provided I finish the corset, the skirt, and either a tea hat or bows, I will be at. Pictures and copious blogging to follow. I also either have to make food or buy some as it will be a potluck. It's also the same day as Gaskells which means I'll be in Lolita garb ALL DAY. I dare say such a thing is but a dream *flutters*.
Blogs:
In order to write this very post, I had to stop reading my boyfriends blog. Now, he's had this blog since he was about 13 and I realize a few key things about how my boy was when he was young. We were similar people: morbid and emo (but in a less whiny way than actual emo kids), we were both hung up on love, and we mused on life. Contrarily, he was more eloquent and admittedly, a jerk. I tried to be eloquent, and was a pussy. He is a beautiful writer though, fabulous I dare say. Gifted. All the things that I, as one who likes to" paint with pencils" as my mother said, would do with words.
I've come to the conclusion that we should write a children's book. Or rather, he should, and I should illustrate it.
Speaking of blogs though, what would be a good way to make my thoughts more...public? So that I turn up on google searches, and get internet fame and that sort of thing. Obviously, I should post more about goth-y things--clubs, fashion, meetups, et cet but I haven't gone to any of those things, and there aren't many back in Carlisle. I've been meaning to hit the clubs, but I honestly don't think my friends would go with me to, and though a goth club seems like the perfect place to brood in a corner and curse your introversion (especially when surrounded by beautiful people), I know that BART-ing to the city and back would be scary, even for a creature of the night such as myself.
Sprucing:
I'd like to spruce up my blog a bit. Nothing obnoxiously gothy (blood dripping from the scroll bars and the like) but I'm open to suggestions. I'm thinking...Victorian?
Fasting:
I'm considering fasting until I can't stand it any longer for the sake of art. Seeing if it influences me at all. After the piece I'm working on now (which I have roughly 15 days to finish) I honestly would like to draw little to no fantasy works for a while if anymore. But that's all I know...because the fantastic is beautiful, and beauty is art. Perhaps through fasting, I'll find some other sort of subject...
Last Friday, I found a slice of Lolita heaven on earth. Yes, loyal readers, if you're ever in Berkeley CA, you must go to Lacies. It's right by the Ashbey BART station. They have all the equipment needed to be a proper Lolita, and if they don't, they know how to make it and will gladly help you out. For example, I got an instructional video and a pattern on how to make a period corset. This corset, and pictures, will be made and posted soon. True, I got the fabric and lacing and other such things from other places, but of all the fabric/sewing stores I've gone to they are the only ones that sell steel bones and busks. Also, the have a backroom full of mannequins dressed entirely in Victorian garb, petticoats and hoop skirts hanging from the ceiling, a basket full of parasols, and a table full of tea hats. My heart swelled with joy to be in such a place.
To make matters more spectacular, not a day later did I find the only EGL meetup in all of the bay area. Which, provided I finish the corset, the skirt, and either a tea hat or bows, I will be at. Pictures and copious blogging to follow. I also either have to make food or buy some as it will be a potluck. It's also the same day as Gaskells which means I'll be in Lolita garb ALL DAY. I dare say such a thing is but a dream *flutters*.
Blogs:
In order to write this very post, I had to stop reading my boyfriends blog. Now, he's had this blog since he was about 13 and I realize a few key things about how my boy was when he was young. We were similar people: morbid and emo (but in a less whiny way than actual emo kids), we were both hung up on love, and we mused on life. Contrarily, he was more eloquent and admittedly, a jerk. I tried to be eloquent, and was a pussy. He is a beautiful writer though, fabulous I dare say. Gifted. All the things that I, as one who likes to" paint with pencils" as my mother said, would do with words.
I've come to the conclusion that we should write a children's book. Or rather, he should, and I should illustrate it.
Speaking of blogs though, what would be a good way to make my thoughts more...public? So that I turn up on google searches, and get internet fame and that sort of thing. Obviously, I should post more about goth-y things--clubs, fashion, meetups, et cet but I haven't gone to any of those things, and there aren't many back in Carlisle. I've been meaning to hit the clubs, but I honestly don't think my friends would go with me to, and though a goth club seems like the perfect place to brood in a corner and curse your introversion (especially when surrounded by beautiful people), I know that BART-ing to the city and back would be scary, even for a creature of the night such as myself.
Sprucing:
I'd like to spruce up my blog a bit. Nothing obnoxiously gothy (blood dripping from the scroll bars and the like) but I'm open to suggestions. I'm thinking...Victorian?
Fasting:
I'm considering fasting until I can't stand it any longer for the sake of art. Seeing if it influences me at all. After the piece I'm working on now (which I have roughly 15 days to finish) I honestly would like to draw little to no fantasy works for a while if anymore. But that's all I know...because the fantastic is beautiful, and beauty is art. Perhaps through fasting, I'll find some other sort of subject...
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Insomnia confessions
I sit here. In the dark. The wee hours of the morning pass me by, and though I know I should be sleeping as some weird circus-y sounding fife music plays on the radio (perhaps its an organ? the fan is too loud for me to hear it properly...) I cannot. There are many explanations for this, I don't actually have insomnia. It takes me about one half hour to fall asleep, I was watching How I Met Your Mother before bed (stimulation makes my mind race), my clock has been reset due to summer, et cet.
Still, I figured since I was lying awake in such a state this morning, why not write about what I was thinking. If you will give me a moment to sort my thoughts, I will gladly display them for you in zeros and ones converted to a sans-serif font for all to enjoy.
Numero un: I prayed tonight. I consider myself to be spiritual, not religious (like most other tea-drinking-tofu-munching-pilates-doing-bay-area-bread-college-age-females) but they say the power of good intentions can move mountains. Sure, it may all be coincidence, but you don't know that it's not magic. My wish box seems to be on the fritz as it were and so, facing the south direction and invoking the gods of summer, passion, and romance, I prayed. What did I pray for? I honestly cannot tell you. It involves someone I've known since I was 11 and liked since then. Since about 16, I've wished for a moment alone with said person (in which, of course, I was completly calm, cool and collected) that I could use to show them how awesome I was and how perfect of a relationship we could have.
The problem was, he was legaly able to drink when I was 16.
In any event, I am in love now with someone different (my boyfriend...I know it's early, but do I have to spell it out for you?). Thus, a relationship is not what I'm in the market for, but I figure if I could just get one romantic moment alone with him and see for myself if whatever shreads of feelings I have left are worth anything...I could move on. I could either say "hey, he sucks. Why did I care for so long" or (the one I dread more I think) "I still really like him, and we can never be together". Either way, I need to know.
So I prayed. And I cried...the eleven-year-old inside of me particularly pleaded to the gods I guess.
Oh, did I mention he probably has a girlfriend? But there's no way for me to know because he un-friended me on facebook and I have no other way of contacting him...so I have to wait till I see him next and basically spy on him all night...Note (very important note): I'm not trying to break anyone up here. That's just bad karma. If it does turn out he has a girlfriend, I won't make a move (though honestly, knowing me, I probably won't make a move anyway). But uhm...y'know...if he doesn't...I'll walk over to him awkwardly and try to make conversation, insinuating that we should hang out sometime...
Numero deux: On a semi-related note Gaskells is coming up in two weeks. Which means that I have two weeks to make a corset and a poofy skirt. I have a pattern for a ballroom appropriate skirt (complete with drawstring bustle) but minimal sewing experience. And two weeks. My mom is prepairing to go away for two weekends, so she's busy packing and making crafty things, and I really don't think I can tackle this alone...I may have to just make an EGL skirt and wear that plus the corset (which will be made of ducttape...and I figure I just won't put a busk in...) and call it a night. I was thinking I could make a hat as well...the pointy sort, sorta like a Robin Hood hat. Only black with red roses or some such thing. And tea hat sized obviously. Which means I'd have to make my red skirt...In any event, I have a lot of sewing to do.
Numero trois: again, related. There are three people I want to see at the next Gaskells that have similar qualities: a. I have yet to see them at all this summer and b. they're all quite pretty. One has been mentioned (in oh so many words) above. The second (who also has a girlfriend...) is just...so bloody gorgeous...I dare you not to melt upon his gaze....*ahem* anywho. When I see him next, he'll probably say something along the likes of "You look nice love", which I will, because one cannot help but look good in a corset, to which I will say "thanks. You look stunning as always". Yes, I'll say that. In my head. And in my head, he will awkwardly take the comment because he's awkward about comments. Though maybe not so much now. I haven't seen him since last winter, and before that since the summer. In any event, I thought this as I lie awake seeing shooting stars in my ceiling. I realize now, that what I would actually say in this situation is "*flusterfluster*...thanks..." and for a good half hour, I'd ponder if he meant anything by it. Because I am the ponderer.
The third person I met only once. It was the Christmas Gaskells and I was wearing a red lolita dress. He invited me to a goth club that I knew right off I wouldn't go to because none of my friends 'round these parts are of the goth persuasion. And to go into the city at night by your onsies to meet someone you've met once at a club that he might not show up to is downright dangerous. In any event, I tried to set up a "lets go for coffee" type thing, but he was going out of town. This summer, he seems to be busy and sick alot...I'm hoping he'll come to Gaskells...he said he isn't much for dancing though.
I'm perfectly fine with spending the majority of my evening outside watching people waltz and talking. It'll be just like Scottish Country Dance all over again...But less depressing (?).
Numero quatre: I'm keeping firearms away from friends. I have a fear that I'll have to save someone from suicide. The way it plays out in my head is that I do save them, and I'm completly calm about it...but something tells me that, if faced with the situation, there would be lots of screaming that would sound far to accusatory. I don't know why, as I lie here awake, I would think about such a gruseome scenario...my mind wanders to scarry places.
Numero cinq: I fear that when I grow up and try to make a name for myself in the world of psychology, no one will take me seriously because of my facial piercings. Anything on the ears I can hide (which is what I try to explain to people when I say I want to get my ears elf'd) but even if I take my piercings out, the holes will still be there...and will look weird without something in them. Am I doomed to be a bum with awesome lip rings?
I believe that's about it. Most other things were snippets..."oh that's how I'll make the corset...why am I so awkward...HIMYM is amazing..." that sort of thing. I bid you goodnight. I must wake up in about 9 hours to walk to bart...
Still, I figured since I was lying awake in such a state this morning, why not write about what I was thinking. If you will give me a moment to sort my thoughts, I will gladly display them for you in zeros and ones converted to a sans-serif font for all to enjoy.
Numero un: I prayed tonight. I consider myself to be spiritual, not religious (like most other tea-drinking-tofu-munching-pilates-doing-bay-area-bread-college-age-females) but they say the power of good intentions can move mountains. Sure, it may all be coincidence, but you don't know that it's not magic. My wish box seems to be on the fritz as it were and so, facing the south direction and invoking the gods of summer, passion, and romance, I prayed. What did I pray for? I honestly cannot tell you. It involves someone I've known since I was 11 and liked since then. Since about 16, I've wished for a moment alone with said person (in which, of course, I was completly calm, cool and collected) that I could use to show them how awesome I was and how perfect of a relationship we could have.
The problem was, he was legaly able to drink when I was 16.
In any event, I am in love now with someone different (my boyfriend...I know it's early, but do I have to spell it out for you?). Thus, a relationship is not what I'm in the market for, but I figure if I could just get one romantic moment alone with him and see for myself if whatever shreads of feelings I have left are worth anything...I could move on. I could either say "hey, he sucks. Why did I care for so long" or (the one I dread more I think) "I still really like him, and we can never be together". Either way, I need to know.
So I prayed. And I cried...the eleven-year-old inside of me particularly pleaded to the gods I guess.
Oh, did I mention he probably has a girlfriend? But there's no way for me to know because he un-friended me on facebook and I have no other way of contacting him...so I have to wait till I see him next and basically spy on him all night...Note (very important note): I'm not trying to break anyone up here. That's just bad karma. If it does turn out he has a girlfriend, I won't make a move (though honestly, knowing me, I probably won't make a move anyway). But uhm...y'know...if he doesn't...I'll walk over to him awkwardly and try to make conversation, insinuating that we should hang out sometime...
Numero deux: On a semi-related note Gaskells is coming up in two weeks. Which means that I have two weeks to make a corset and a poofy skirt. I have a pattern for a ballroom appropriate skirt (complete with drawstring bustle) but minimal sewing experience. And two weeks. My mom is prepairing to go away for two weekends, so she's busy packing and making crafty things, and I really don't think I can tackle this alone...I may have to just make an EGL skirt and wear that plus the corset (which will be made of ducttape...and I figure I just won't put a busk in...) and call it a night. I was thinking I could make a hat as well...the pointy sort, sorta like a Robin Hood hat. Only black with red roses or some such thing. And tea hat sized obviously. Which means I'd have to make my red skirt...In any event, I have a lot of sewing to do.
Numero trois: again, related. There are three people I want to see at the next Gaskells that have similar qualities: a. I have yet to see them at all this summer and b. they're all quite pretty. One has been mentioned (in oh so many words) above. The second (who also has a girlfriend...) is just...so bloody gorgeous...I dare you not to melt upon his gaze....*ahem* anywho. When I see him next, he'll probably say something along the likes of "You look nice love", which I will, because one cannot help but look good in a corset, to which I will say "thanks. You look stunning as always". Yes, I'll say that. In my head. And in my head, he will awkwardly take the comment because he's awkward about comments. Though maybe not so much now. I haven't seen him since last winter, and before that since the summer. In any event, I thought this as I lie awake seeing shooting stars in my ceiling. I realize now, that what I would actually say in this situation is "*flusterfluster*...thanks..." and for a good half hour, I'd ponder if he meant anything by it. Because I am the ponderer.
The third person I met only once. It was the Christmas Gaskells and I was wearing a red lolita dress. He invited me to a goth club that I knew right off I wouldn't go to because none of my friends 'round these parts are of the goth persuasion. And to go into the city at night by your onsies to meet someone you've met once at a club that he might not show up to is downright dangerous. In any event, I tried to set up a "lets go for coffee" type thing, but he was going out of town. This summer, he seems to be busy and sick alot...I'm hoping he'll come to Gaskells...he said he isn't much for dancing though.
I'm perfectly fine with spending the majority of my evening outside watching people waltz and talking. It'll be just like Scottish Country Dance all over again...But less depressing (?).
Numero quatre: I'm keeping firearms away from friends. I have a fear that I'll have to save someone from suicide. The way it plays out in my head is that I do save them, and I'm completly calm about it...but something tells me that, if faced with the situation, there would be lots of screaming that would sound far to accusatory. I don't know why, as I lie here awake, I would think about such a gruseome scenario...my mind wanders to scarry places.
Numero cinq: I fear that when I grow up and try to make a name for myself in the world of psychology, no one will take me seriously because of my facial piercings. Anything on the ears I can hide (which is what I try to explain to people when I say I want to get my ears elf'd) but even if I take my piercings out, the holes will still be there...and will look weird without something in them. Am I doomed to be a bum with awesome lip rings?
I believe that's about it. Most other things were snippets..."oh that's how I'll make the corset...why am I so awkward...HIMYM is amazing..." that sort of thing. I bid you goodnight. I must wake up in about 9 hours to walk to bart...
Monday, June 8, 2009
Childhood confessions
For no particular reason, I think about my childhood periodically. It was a lovely time in my life, albeit very short. I think after about age 7 (and for sure after age 9) I felt...mature. Of course, I look back and realize how stupid I was, but at the time I felt like I could easily take care of myself.
Recently, as you probably know, I've been looking for jobs. My mom suggested working with children and I realized that I can't connect with children....they're...weird. And...childish. I mean, obviously they're childish but I mean when a kid goes "lets play pretend!" I'm like "cool...uhm...what do we do?"
Its rather terrible really. Children might be in my future (not immediate obviously, but after college, gradschool and opening my own practice...getting financially stable, et cet) and it'll probably be better if they're my children, but what if it sucks?
On the other hand, I'm starting a list of children's shows that rock so hard that my kids will HAVE to watch them:
* electric company
* jane and the dragon
* sailor moon
* sesame street
* allegra's window
* kratt's creatures
* bill nye
* the magic school bus
* eureka's castle
* adventures in odyesy (not for the christian-ness, but because it's just awesome)
* and of course zoobile zoo
Sorry for the blathering.
Recently, as you probably know, I've been looking for jobs. My mom suggested working with children and I realized that I can't connect with children....they're...weird. And...childish. I mean, obviously they're childish but I mean when a kid goes "lets play pretend!" I'm like "cool...uhm...what do we do?"
Its rather terrible really. Children might be in my future (not immediate obviously, but after college, gradschool and opening my own practice...getting financially stable, et cet) and it'll probably be better if they're my children, but what if it sucks?
On the other hand, I'm starting a list of children's shows that rock so hard that my kids will HAVE to watch them:
* electric company
* jane and the dragon
* sailor moon
* sesame street
* allegra's window
* kratt's creatures
* bill nye
* the magic school bus
* eureka's castle
* adventures in odyesy (not for the christian-ness, but because it's just awesome)
* and of course zoobile zoo
Sorry for the blathering.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
This one is for Sam.
Dear men,
I urge you. Grow out your hair. The ladies will be all over you.
Point #1: Jesus Christ had long hair.
Point #2: Voldemort had NO HAIR.
Point #3: There is no number three. If you have long hair, you don't need a number 3.
So do it. Do it now.
~<3
I urge you. Grow out your hair. The ladies will be all over you.
Point #1: Jesus Christ had long hair.
Point #2: Voldemort had NO HAIR.
Point #3: There is no number three. If you have long hair, you don't need a number 3.
So do it. Do it now.
~<3
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